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Donald Trump Dr. Deborah Brix Dr. Tony Fauci National Press Conference Some Random CEO

Press conference with Donald Trump (3/29/20)

Today’s participants are Donald Trump, Mike Pence, Dr. Brix, Dr. Fauci, and like 20 CEOS… NOW WITH GIFS! I just want y’all to know that this one dragged on for an hour and a half, and took about five hours to recap. Please consider donating to my efforts here! I’ve posted my venmo, Cashapp, and Paypal links at the end!

Thank you for your support, and on to the notes!

DONALD TRUMP

  • Trump rolls out another one of his five vocabulary words and says there’s a “tremendous distance between chairs”.
  • On Friday, the FDA authorized a new test developed by Abbott Labs that delivers lightning fast results in as little as five minutes.
  • Normally, this approval process would take ten months. But, this test was approved in four weeks.
  • Abbott said they will begin producing 50,000 tests each day, starting this week.
  • And then, and I know this is an unexpected fact that he has never said before, but DID YOU GUYS KNOW WE HAVE DONE MORE TESTS THAN ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD? Because if you didn’t know that by now, don’t worry. I’m sure Trump will tell us a dozen more times before this hour and a half is over.
  • He claims that this is one of the reasons we have more cases than other countries. Lol, which… Sure, Jan.
  • He then goes on to say that it’s also one of the reasons why we have one of the lowest mortality rates in the world. Guys, believe me I take no pleasure in saying this, but check back on this blog in about two weeks. I have the feeling that statement is going to age like fine milk. Trump doesn’t seem to understand that this virus doesn’t kill people right away. It can take up to 14 days from the time of infection to become symptomatic, and once people develop symptoms it usually takes a few days to become life threatening. Once people are hospitalized, it might be another day or two before they need a ventilator. In New York, we are seeing people stay on the ventilators for up to 20 days before they pass away. You do the math on that. It’s possible that it could take well over a month from the time of a person’s initial contact with the infection until the time they pass away. New York was among the first states to get hit with the virus, and our first case was 28 days ago. We have not even begun to see what the mortality rate will look like around the country yet. As I am writing this, the US death toll is currently 2,484. That number will go up dramatically in the coming weeks.
  • Thank you to the Army Corp Of Engineers for their fine work on The Javits Center, which he says “he knows well”.
  • Y’all, he really sounds sick. I’m not trying to wish ill on the man… *pregnant pause*… but I am trying to… *checks notes* show concern.
  • So, I am not knocking the amazing work done on the Javits Center at all here, but he keeps talking about this project like they built the whole building from scratch. He says “They did it in four days, and everyone’s trying to figure out how they did it, including me. And I was a good builder!” Like I said, far be it from me to belittle such a wonderful accomplishment, but the Javits Center is routinely completely built out for different needs within days as a convention center. I’ve seen the pictures of how Javits looks now, and it doesn’t strike me as being all that different from building a show with 500+ booths. In fact, it might be easier since all of the beds have the same set up repeated over and over again. Imagine building out something like a Salesforce Tour. That has giant sets, lots of moving parts, a ton of technical components, astroturf, and all sorts of things that are challenging to build, and they get it done in just a couple days too. Again, the people at Javits have done an amazing job, but as someone with a background in production, I would just like to give some relative context to his statement. The way he said this just made me shake my head, because it tells me he’s never really supervised an actual build in his life.
  • Thank you to FEMA for their hard work on these hospitals as well.
  • He says the people of New York are very happy. Lol, y’all can I get a fact check on this? Are we happy?
  • The deployment of rapid testing will help us to track and contain the virus.
  • Hydroxychloroquine is being administered to 1,100 patients in New York City, along with the Z pack. It’s too early to tell what the results will be. New Yorkers are the guinea pigs for this treatment. So, if this combo works; YOU’RE WELCOME, AMERICA. But, if it doesn’t, I don’t want to see anymore snotty remarks online about how we should be walled off from the rest of the country. We’re taking this hard curve first. We’re experimenting with drugs first. We are going to lose thousands of people first. So, please keep that in mind the next time you have negative thoughts about my city. Any mistakes we make in NYC will benefit you all in the coming weeks, as you will be able to learn from our example. You should be grateful for that. We’re the ones who will end up paying the highest price for the knowledge.
  • The FDA is also allowing the emergency use of a blood related therapy called convalescent plasma as an experimental treatment for seriously ill patients. This treatment involves taking blood plasma from patients who have already recovered from the virus. The idea is that they will receive the recovered patients antibodies and hopefully benefit from them. You can bet patients in New York City will be the ones testing that too.
  • They are also developing a way to sterilize masks, and he takes this opportunity to remind everyone that they are shipping MILLIONS of masks to various places.
  • He claims this new process will allow for certain masks to be sterilized “up to 20 times”.
  • He really does sound out of breath. *raises eyebrow*
  • He says of the Spanish Flu epidemic; “and that was really a pandemic of proportions like frankly nobody’s seen until what we’re facing now.” Ok Donny, let me help you out there. It was a full on pandemic. There’s no need to add a qualifier.
  • He adds “that was in..” *looks down at the wikipedia page glued to the podium* “1918, and..” *looks up* “you know what the result of that was.”
  • The virus spreads “so easily, and so quickly” he says. And to that I say, has anyone checked in with the stripper community to see if anyone has capitalized on a coronavirus related stage name yet? Stepping up to the pole, we have Ms. Rona V! She spreads so easily and quickly! Someone get on this immediately.
  • He keeps saying we’re trying to “vanquish the virus” like he’s accepted a mission in King Arthur’s Court. Except that the reality is that he has no idea how to engage in combat, and it’s more like we’re at the medieval times in New Jersey. It’s like a birthday party gone wrong. Everything he’s doing is playacting, and at the end we’ll all get sick and end paying for his delusions.
  • Oh, great. We’re bringing up some CEOs again. Just who I wanted to hear from!

FIRST CEO GUY

  • FEMA has been working with all of the distributors.
  • He talks about how important it is to them to make sure their customers (our medical professionals) are happy.

SECOND CEO GUY

  • He thanks the president for all of his support in their industry.
  • They have ramped up their production of masks in North America, and are now making an additional 40 – 50 million masks per month.
  • They have still faced some challenges meeting this gigantic demand increase.

BACK TO TANGERINE TOUPEE

  • He says they had a discussion back in “a conference room. A very nice one. It’s called the cabinet room.” OK…
  • He asks “how does a hospital in New York City go from 10 – 20 thousand masks to 30,000 masks?” Well sir, that’s kind of to be expected during a global pandemic.
  • HOLY SHIT! DID HE JUST ACCUSE NEW YORK CITY OF STEALING MASKS?!?!?!?
  • I’m sorry, and Grandma please forgive me for all these curses, but this is so shocking it needs to be said again in a second bullet point. HOLY SHIT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN?!???
  • Here, I’m going to write down this whole insane quote for you verbatim. He says QUOTE “they’ve been delivering for years ten to twenty thousand masks. Ok, it’s a New York hospital. It’s packed all the time. How do you go from ten to twenty to 300,000? 10 to 20,000 masks… to 300,000. Even though this is different, something’s going on. And you ought to look into it as reporters. Where are the masks going? Are they going out the backdoor? How do you go from 10,000 to 300,000. Uh, and we have that in a lot of different places. So… somebody should probably look into that. Because I just don’t see from a practical standpoint how that’s possible to go from that to that, and we have that happening in numerous places. Not to that extent. That was the highest number I’ve heard. That’s the highest number you’ve seen, I would imagine, right?”
  • Wow. So, in short, Mayor De Blasio pleading with him to think of his childhood home in Queens, and imagine the suffering going on at Elmhurst Hospital did absolutely nothing after all. Nope, instead Trump is accusing New York is playing dirty tricks with face masks while the senate leaves us here in New York to go bankrupt without help. This is really something, you guys. A lot of medical professionals are going to get sick or die because of what this narcissistic fool is saying right now. And the worst part is that, there will be a certain amount of people in Trump’s base over in the red states who will deny the truth about this forever. Our heroes here in New York will die fighting for our city, TRUMP’S OWN HOMETOWN, and he is going to let those people go to their graves with an accusation of theft hanging over their heads. Unbelievable!
  • He adds “I hope I didn’t get any of your clients in trouble”. Now, wtf does that mean, Orangina? And then he adds “but it could be that they are in trouble.”
  • FEMA is working with these companies to launch “Project Airbridge” to expedite the movement of critical supplies from other countries to The United States. The first flight arrived at JFK airport in New York this morning, filled with 80 tons of PPE.
  • “Millions and millions of different items”
  • FEMA has scheduled 19 additional flights, and is adding more daily. We hope to have about 50 flights.
  • But, wait you guys… hasn’t he been spouting off all week about how we’re going to send supplies to other countries? But, now we need… let’s see… 50 flights x 80 tons = 4,000 tons of assistance from other countries ourselves? My, how the tables have turned since… *checks notes* yesterday.

THE CEO OF UPS

  • They are very proud to be part of this effort.
  • She says “the way we’re gonna win this war is with great logistics” and actually, I agree with that. She’s already showing that she’s more sensible than Trump.
  • They are partnering with the states as well.

ANOTHER CEO

  • I’m gonna be honest, I have no idea who this guy is.
  • But, he says he echoes the previous CEOs statements and says that the supply chain will not be a problem.

OMG ANOTHER CEO

  • Thanks to FEMA, great leadership, etc, etc.

DEAR LORD ANOTHER CEO

  • Buy American or whatever.
  • We made a lot of tests, and that’s great.

TAN MOM

  • “Many of the states are stocked up. Some of them don’t admit it.” omg, this toddler.
  • Now he’s accusing hospitals of “hoarding ventilators”. This is a new low, even for him.
  • So, just to review, he thinks our hospitals and medical providers on the frontline are hoarding or destroying supplies, but UPS and FedEx? Doing a great job. The CEOs of those shipping companies are the true American heroes, y,all.
  • Ok, personal rant! Let me tell you a little story about FedEx here in The Bronx. I have caught them lying about attempts to deliver packages here on many occasions. But the last time I caught them, I called them on their nonsense. After four days of calling them after my package was repeatedly not in my pick up location, I finally got them to admit that they lost the package and could not find it in their system. Do you know I am STILL getting emails telling me to go pick that package up at Walgreens to this day? The package was sent IN NOVEMBER. And these are the people in charge of our medical supplies. Awesome.
  • ANYWAY… he goes on to say he’ll do everything in his power to make sure the people on the frontlines get what they need. Ok.
  • Yesterday he was present to see the USNS Comfort off, as it left for New York.
  • It left three weeks early and will arrive in New York tomorrow.
  • Humama and Cigna are going to waive co-pays, coinsurance and deductibles for coronavirus for American families during this crisis.
  • He asks “have you heard of that one before?” and you can see the strain on his face as he physically restrains himself from patting himself on the back for a job well done.
  • Wolfgang Puck and other leaders in the restaurant industry… trails off… he continues “it’s been probably one of the hardest hit industries. I’ve directed my staff to use any and all authority available to give restaurants, bars, and clubs incentives to stay open. We’re gonna lose all of these restaurants, and they’re not gonna make it back. They have to get going.”
  • Now, y’all that last quote is funny to me, because just *checks notes* three days ago he said that all of the restaurants suffering right now would come back “in form or another.”
  • Anyway, he says that he’s working with Steve Mnuchin to immediately start looking into the deductibility of meals and entertainment costs for corporations. He says this had a tremendous effect on the industry when this law was changed previously, and that allowing meals and entertainment to be tax deductions will keep restaurants alive.
  • Let’s fact check this one, shall we? I worked part time in a jazz club in New York City as recently as four years ago, and I have many friends who still work in the industry. Did changing tax deduction laws have a huge effect on the industry? Not that I saw, and not that I could easily google. Although, this change happened in 2018, after I left the club. But, giving you my perspective as a freelancer who is sometimes able to write off my meals, this seems like a vanity law meant to collect less tax money from people who own businesses. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good tax write off too. But, the idea that this is being done to help the restaurants is a bit of a stretch to me. It might help restaurants, but you know what might help restaurants even more? Collecting as much as we can in taxes from wealthy corporations and using it to grant additional small business loans to the service industry. Just my two cents.
  • Now he talks about small business loans, and job retention loans. There’s 350 billion in funds available, and there will be loan forgiveness available for businesses that continue paying the workers. I actually applaud this part. This is all good stuff.
  • He talks about how unemployment will now cover freelancers and gig workers, and how anyone that qualifies will now get an additional $600 in expanded unemployment benefits for up to four full months. I have not been able to get on the unemployment website yet because I got locked out due to forgetting my password (from ten years ago), but my most recent understanding of the situation is that gig workers will have some separate form to apply for unemployment that hasn’t launched yet. I think that’s coming this week.
  • He says he was against having the states handle these expanded unemployment benefits because “many of the states have very antiquated computer systems that are 45 years old.”
  • 45 years ago, the year was 1975. And the latest computer available was *consults google* an MITS Altair 8800. It had 256 bytes of memory and had never even heard of the internet. I would like to know which states use this system, Mr. Trump.
  • He says his opponents wanted this plan, and that if people don’t get their money quickly he will “call congress”.
  • Monotone patriotic story.
  • He says again that 151 countries have the virus, and then says that he knows people who “didn’t even know there were 151 countries!”. Donny, it’s ok. You can say that person was you. You all know that’s what you meant.
  • Here comes our nightly reminder that he stopped the flights from China.
  • He praises Dr. Brix and Dr. Fauci, the only qualified people who have ever appeared on that stage.
  • He says the peak in death rate in the US is likely to hit in two weeks.
  • “Nothing would be worse than declaring victory before the battle is won” he says. Therefore, it’s very important that we all do our part not to screw this up any worse than we already have for the next two weeks.
  • Ok, I got genuine LOL when he said “you have to follow the guidelines that our great vice president holds up a lot. He’s holding that up A LOT. He believes in it so strongly.”
  • Finally, the one sheet gets its proper praise! For those of you who don’t know that term, a one sheet is a production term for a simple cover sheet that outlines the main goals of your project. Pence’s one sheet has been putting in work! It’s done more work than Trump!
  • The social distancing guidelines will be extended to April 30th.
  • This is an amazing change of heart coming from someone who said he wanted to open up the country and have everyone in church for Easter just… *checks notes*… five days ago.
  • An important statement on all of our findings and data will be made on Tuesday.
  • He expects that by June 1st we will be “well on our way to recovery”.
  • “We’ve learned so much!”

QUESTIONS

  • QUESTION: Dr. Fauci said we could see hundreds of thousands of deaths in The United States. Do you agree with that? And were you implying that there has been inappropriate use of masks in New York?
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “I want the people of New York to check, Governor Cuomo and Mayor De Blasio, that when a hospital that’s getting 10,000 masks goes to 300,000 masks during the same period uh… and that’s a rapid period, I would like them to check that because I hear stories like that all the time. We’re delivering millions and millions of products, and all I hear is can I get some more?”
  • NOTE FROM ME: I literally got chills up my spine hearing that and realizing how incredibly screwed we all are right now. This man is frighteningly stupid.
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “I don’t think it’s hoarding. I think it’s maybe worse than hoarding.”
  • NOTE FROM ME: WHAAAAAAAAAT????
  • TRUMP: He says they have 10,000 ventilators, but they are holding onto them until they know they are needed somewhere for an emergency. NYC needs close to 30,000 JUST FOR US. That little 10,000 stockpile isn’t going to do much of anything. He then goes on to say that Louisiana had a problem “out of nowhere”. I mean, having a mardi gras party during the beginning stages of a pandemic? How could that possibly go wrong, am I right? I hate to say this, but we are all in serious trouble.
  • TRUMP: Blames the democrats for things, as usual. This is all Obama’s fault, blah, blah blah…
  • DR. FAUCI: I think if we weren’t doing anything to mitigate the situation, I think it’s entirely possible that we could reach that number. It’s possible. What we’re trying to do is stop that. We do feel like the things we are doing are having an effect. But, the decision to extend our social distancing through April was a wise and prudent decision. He and Dr. Birx went over all the data and thought extending the national restrictions would help to prevent those larger numbers from happening.
  • DR. BIRX: We’ve all seen the models. We went back to the drawing board and looked at the numbers from the ground up. All of the models predicted anywhere from 1.6 to 2.2 million fatalities if we didn’t mitigate. So they went back and brought the evidence back to Trump and convinced him to do the right thing and save lives by extending the restrictions until April.
  • TRUMP: Now he’s backpedaling and saying that 100,000 dead is “a very good number”, because it’s less than 2.2 million.
  • QUESTION: Given that you are now extending these guidelines, was floating Easter as a possible day to open up the country a mistake to you now?
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “No.”
  • QUESTION: Well, can you tell us why you said that?
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “Well, it was just an aspiration.”
  • TRUMP: He then goes to say that Easter could be the peak, and says that would be “sad”.
  • QUESTION: Your approval rating has been the highest it’s ever been, as well as your ratings of the handling of the virus, yet there are some networks that are considering no longer airing these briefings live. Do you think there’s a link between the two?
  • NOTE FROM ME: WTF, AMERICA??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY? WHY DO YOU KEEP DISAPPOINTING ME LIKE THIS?
  • TRUMP: He says he doesn’t want high ratings, he’d like his old life back. He says they don’t matter to him, but let’s review his tweets.
  • NOTE FROM ME: Hmmmm… He seems fairly pleased to me!
  • QUESTION: Humana and Cigna are going to take care of all costs associated with the coronavirus? Did we hear this right?
  • TRUMP: Yes.
  • QUESTION: Will other companies be doing this too?
  • TRUMP: Well, I don’t know. But, those two are getting a lot of credit for it as they should.
  • QUESTION: Will the federal government be reimbursing them? Or are they really doing this out of pocket?
  • TRUMP: They have not asked for reimbursement, so I assume they are paying.
  • QUESTION: I know we’ve done things for home owners, but what about people who rent?
  • TRUMP: Well, I think landlords are gonna take it easy. And they’ll be getting checks soon.
  • QUESTION: Yesterday, why did you publicly threaten quarantine on New York, New Jersey and Connecticut?
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “I didn’t do that at all.” He then says that he instead said that he was going to “look at it”.
  • QUESTION: But by speaking about it publicly, do you think you maybe frightened some Americans?
  • TRUMP: QUOTE: “No, I think we made people aware to stay in your houses and do good.”
  • QUESTION: You said repeatedly that you didn’t think certain governors were going to need all of the medical equipment they were requesting.
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “I didn’t say that.”
  • NOTE FROM ME: He in fact did say that, as recently as… *checks notes* two days ago.
  • QUESTION: You said it on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show.
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “Why don’t you people act… let me ask you something, why don’t you act… why don’t you act a little more positive? It’s always trying to get you. Getcha, getcha… and you know what? That’s why nobody trusts the media anymore. That’s why people. EXCUSE ME, you didn’t hear me. That’s why you used to work for The Times, and now you work for somebody else. Look, let me tell you something… Be nice. Don’t be threatening. Be nice. Go ahead” (he’s been talking over her the whole time)
  • QUESTION: How is that going to impact how many ventilators you produce?
  • TRUMP: It’s not going to effect. We’re producing a tremendous amount of ventilators. We’re doing a great job.
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “We sent thousands of generators to New York. They were put into a warehouse, INTERESTINGLY, in Edison, New Jersey.” he then goes on to say “the people in New York never distributed the generators.” he then goes on to say “maybe they didn’t need them so badly.”
  • NOTE FROM ME: I already covered why this Edison, New Jersey thing is ridiculous in a previous post, but I’ll say it again here. Because of the cost and limited availability of large storage units in New York City, it is common for New York based companies to store things in Jersey. As to why New York has not distributed the ventilators yet, it’s because our projected peak is still a week away. We are preparing for when it comes, which is something Trump obviously knows nothing about. Also they are ventilators, not generators.
  • TRUMP: He then goes on to accuse the reporter of misquoting him (it was a direct quote), and repeats his theory that New York is stealing medical supplies. He then continues to argue with the reporter.
  • QUESTION: You said you think the peak will hit in two weeks, can you just share with us your understanding of how bad it will be so the American people can prepare?
  • DR. BIRX: We have deep concerns about the projections. We have a different population than Italy and Spain. We’re seeing things here that weren’t seen in other countries. The models say that, WITH MITIGATION, we will see between 80,000 and 200,000 deaths. That means that we have to continue doing what we’ve been doing so far, but even better, because we’re hoping that the models are not completely right and we can do better.
  • DR. FAUCI: Models are good, but models can also cause anxiety. Models can be wrong.
  • QUESTION: You mentioned Italy. They are having a bad time. Are you sending them help?
  • TRUMP: Yes, we are sending monetary aid to Italy, and we are also working closely with Spain. And we’re working with everybody.
  • PERSONAL NOTE: I just want to remind everyone once again, Boris “it’s just the flu” Johnson, has tested positive. As has Rand Paul, in The United States. That is all.
  • *QUICK BREAK FOR AN UPDATE ON TESTING NUMBERS*
  • QUESTION: You mentioned that the peak may come in two weeks, do you think everyone who needs a ventilator will get one? Also you mentioned some companies that may need to be further pushed via the DPA to meet production demands. Which companies and why?
  • TRUMP: Those companies have all fallen in line, and GM is doing a great job. He then talks once again about how we “have the most cases because we did the most tests”, which is not true. He then talks again about how they have 10,00 ventilators on hand like that’s going to be enough for the whole country.
  • QUESTION: States like Florida have apparently gotten 100% of their requests fulfilled by the government, but many other states like Massachusetts have not. How is that assessment being made and why has Florida gotten all of it’s requests first?
  • TRUMP: He claims that all of the governors are happy with how things are going. He claims that Michigan is also very happy with how things are going, and that people in Michigan love him for bringing back the car companies. Lol, what? Michigan friends, do you want to hit me with a fact check there?
  • QUESTION: OK, but why is Florida-
  • TRUMP: “Well, they’re a great state and they’re doing a great job.” But, he thinks everyone is happy. And then he lies for about three minutes straight.
  • QUESTION: You sent a letter to the governors that you were going to come up with some system to rank hotspot counties. Do you have enough tests to be able to rank counties?
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “Yes, we’re ranking counties and we’re ranking states. And a lot of people put out false information, because they don’t know what they’re talking about, and we took over a DEAD, BARREN system.”
  • NOTE FROM ME: He keeps talking about how we had no test when he took over the presidency, but… this virus didn’t exist then. Sooooo…
  • QUESTION: What are you planning on talking about on Tuesday? Do you think these restrictions will go on longer?
  • TRUMP: He says they hope not. He says “we could have opened on Easter”, but we decided to be safe. But, then says we have to be “even better” with how we distance this month. No contradictions here, folks. None at all!
  • QUESTION: You said at one point that you thought more people would die from economic anxiety than from the virus, who told you that? And could we hear from Dr. Fauci on this?
  • TRUMP: He says he could ask Dr. Fauci to come up, but says it’s “common sense” that we will have “TREMENDOUS SUICIDES”, and “massive drug use”. But, he believes that the recently passed relief bill will mitigate that.
  • QUESTION: Do you anticipate relaxing the restrictions by region during the month of April?
  • TRUMP: He says he doesn’t think so, but it’s a great question. He says that Dr. Brix and Dr. Fauci “did not like the idea”, yet goes on to say “but we could do it!”.
  • QUESTION: On Friday, you said that you wanted the governors to be appreciative and that if they weren’t appreciative ‘don’t call’.
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “But I didn’t say that”.
  • NOTE FROM ME: He, in fact… *checks notes* did say that.
  • QUESTION: Sir, this is a direct quote.
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “I didn’t say that. No, no… excuse me, are you ready? Take a look at what I said. I want them to be appreciative of me, ok, and then you cut it off. Because it’s FAKE NEWS. Listen, listen… please, let me just finish here. You just said it again, and you know the answer is a lie.”
  • QUESTION: I can read you your full quote, sir, if that would help.
  • TRUMP: QUOTE “let me just say, your statement, and your response, and your answer is a lie. Cause here’s the story, are you ready? I said I want you to be appreciative of me, and then you go on, and then I go on, and you cut it off. But, it says BECAUSE WHEN YOU’RE NOT-”
  • QUESTION: “I want them to be appreciative. I don’t want them to say things that aren’t true. I want them to be appreciative. We’ve done a great job, and I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about Mike Pence, the Task Force, I’m talking about FEMA, the Army Corps Of Engineers…” but then you went on to say “if they don’t treat you right, don’t call.”
  • TRUMP QUOTE: “I don’t call. I don’t call. No, I don’t call the governor of Washington now. Mike Pence calls, and the head of FEMA calls, I don’t stop them. Did I ever ask you to do anything negative, Mike? To Washington? To the state of Washington? Michigan. I love that state. That’s one of my favorite places in the whole world, Michigan! And I’m so proud of what’s happened with the auto industry coming back to Michigan. No. I don’t have to call, because… I’m probably better off not. Because, we don’t get- he’s a failed presidential candidate, he’s a nasty person, and I don’t like the governor of Washington state. You know who calls? I get Mike Pence to call. I get the head of FEMA to call. I get the admiral to call. But, you didn’t say… see, you started it off, and you talked about how I have to be appreciated. But then, when you read the rest, it said because if you don’t appreciate, then you’re not respecting these incredible people.”
  • NOTE FROM ME: Ladies and gentleman, this is called gaslighting.
  • TRUMP: He goes on to say no one watches CNN, and takes a pot shot at their ratings, and calls them “Fake News”.
  • QUESTION: Between what you’re saying and all of the shelter in place orders around the country, it sounds like all of America will be shut down for a month. Maybe two months-
  • TRUMP: He says that no, he thinks the country will “really start to open up” and that we “got lucky” and that Italy was “unlucky”. And honestly this answer is so circular, I can’t even follow it.
  • QUESTION: Do you think we will need another relief bill?
  • TRUMP: He says he is prepared to do whatever is needed, and that we’ll eventually make a lot of money.
  • QUESTION: Earlier you tweeted about your ratings, but some networks that no longer want to cover him?
  • NOTE FROM ME: Wasn’t this asked already???
  • TRUMP: Lots of blowhard words. He says that Dr. Brix and Dr. Fauci don’t want to be stars, “but they will be” and remarks that he shouldn’t be getting “higher ratings than the bachelor, BUT HE IS” and I am just left wondering why he thinks he shouldn’t be getting higher ratings than a TV dating show. His decisions right now will determine if millions of people live or die. Of course we are watching. All of this is extremely important. We aren’t watching because we love Trump.
  • QUESTION: Did anyone object to closing the country?
  • TRUMP: No. And then he babbles on for three minutes.
  • QUESTION: We’ve heard rumors that Louisiana will be hit hard next week, can you confirm that?
  • TRUMP: He says, it’s not a rumor. It is a fact. And then he says the same idiotic thing he said before about how this came out of nowhere, and they only had one case a week ago, and no one could have possibly seen this coming right after Mardi Gras. Dr. Brix also says some words about how, yeah, it’s coming. As does Dr. Fauci.
  • QUESTION: Have you taken another COVID-19 test?
  • TRUMP: No. He says he’s waiting for the rapid test. Then he says some words about Elmhurst, and honestly I can’t even transcribe this because it’s infuriating to watch him screw things up so badly.

MIKE PENCE

  • Thank you for your efforts, America.
  • On Tuesday we’ll lay out what could have been, and what we’re looking at going forward.
  • He says some much better sounding words about Emhurst than Trump did.
  • Thank you to all those CEOs.
  • He says he knows America may be disappointed and frustrated by how this has turned out, but this is for the best.
  • He reminds everyone about the travel advisory about New York.
  • He’s just giving a bunch of platitudes, but he sounds much better than Trump.

DONALD TRAMP

  • We’re fighting a war, and unfortunately “we’re fighting death”.
  • Ok, on that note, have a great night!

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