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Bill De Blasio New York City

Press conference with New York City Mayor, Bill De Blasio (4/1/20)

As I’ve said in a few of my recent posts, the whole process of watching these press conferences and taking accurate notes is a long, arduous, tedious process. If a press conference runs for an hour, it takes me about three hours to type up a recap here. If it runs for two hours, it takes me closer to five or six hours to get a post done. So, keeping all that in mind, I just want you to know that Mayor De Blasio went on for TWO HOURS today. TWO HOURS!

In true New York City spirit, I’m gonna keep it completely real with y’all. Two hours is too much De Blasio for me. He is easily the least impactful of the three political figures I usually cover here. Governor Cuomo is a straight shooter who gives us hard data and facts without a lot of sugar coating, and I respect that. Nearly everything Cuomo says is useful in some way. Donald Trump is a total idiot. But, unfortunately for all of us, he’s a really powerful idiot and so I have to cover him. De Blasio is neither useful, nor all that powerful. I think De Blasio has generally good intentions, but deadass… he’s honestly not giving us any information that Cuomo hasn’t already said.

So, with that in mind, I’m going to give you the super condensed version of what De Blasio says in just about every press conference. Are you ready?

BILL DE BLASIO

  • Thank you to everyone who has helped us so far.
  • We need a fuck ton more stuff.
  • Everything Cuomo said.
  • 30 minutes of platitudes about how strong New Yorkers are. (possibly it was a full hour today, Idk)
  • Something about the jails.
  • Something about alternate side parking.

And there you have it! That’s the whole press conference.

Why even make this post? I hear you asking, and you deserve answers. Don’t worry, I have a good one! I’m mostly making this post so I can share one of my good friend’s observations from one of De Blasio’s earlier press conferences.

My friend Christina Cruz of Brooklyn sent me these photos.

She asks “WHO IS DOING DE BLASIO’S NAILS?!?”

There’s no denying that the man takes care of his hands.

“He got a home tech or something? I THOUGHT WE WERE ON LOCKDOWN!” she adds, as she zooms in on the screen.

Are those french tips???

“They on point though.” she concedes.

Is she wrong, though? I ask you, where is the lie?

And with that, I close the post!

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